The Sound of Settling
by WildCherry45
Summary: Nathan gets a surprise reading from a psychic that makes him rethink a few things. (Nathan & Haley)
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Sound of Settling

Author: WildCherry45

Notes: Completely AU. No marriage. Future-fic.

Summary: Nathan gets a surprise reading from a psychic that makes him re-think a few things.

Disclaimer: See these pretty characters with the pretty faces? Yeah, not mine. See the pretty setting in the pretty town? Yeah, not mine either. See the pretty lyric below in italics... yeah, still not mine. It's very sad, I know.

_I need you so much closer. _

11111

Was life always this contradicting?

He couldn't seem to erase the question from his mind as he stood there, completely silent, his thoughts racing through his mind. If you asked him what he was feeling at that moment, all that would pour out of his mouth would be contradictions. He felt something. He felt nothing. He felt everything. He felt that it was all too much. He felt that it wasn't enough.

He couldn't describe it. And, yet he could.

Nathan stared at the red door in front of him. When the paint first tainted the wood, it was probably vibrant. Vivid. But, now it was faded and as he stood in the rain, in the midst of the downfall, it was getting blurrier still. He supposed it was fitting that it was raining outside right now and he was grateful for it. He didn't think he could do what he was about to do if what consumed him was sunshine instead of rain. It was cold. And, wet.

And, he felt as if the rain was washing away everything that he had been running away from for the past few years. He felt it all slowly come off of him, sliding down his hot skin, onto the cement of the sidewalk and down the drain into the sewers. The grime of the lies was slowly peeling away and he took one step further. He was almost there but he couldn't seem to make himself move anymore.

His blue eyes narrowed, staring at the red of the door, willing it to open. No, he wanted it closed. He wanted it to disappear so he wouldn't have to deal with his thoughts. He wanted it eradicated from this earth yet at the same time he wanted to run up to it and pound on it, forcing her to come out of the warmth of her home, into the cold, into the dark, into the gloom with him.

Was she happy?

Did he care? Was that the reason why he was here? Because, he cared. His gaze shifted to the sidewalk beneath him and he stared at it, long and hard. The grey didn't shift, it didn't flinch from his piercing gaze. Turning upwards, he looked at the drops of rain falling from the sky. They didn't flinch either. Would she?

Would she turn away when she saw him again? Would she cringe? Would she throw insults at him, forcing him to leave? Would she smile? Would she welcome him into her house with open arms? Or would she yell?

And, the same question returned to his mind. Did he care?

He hadn't seen her for years. Why should he care? But, he should, his mind argued. He should care. Why else would he travel all these miles, only to stand on her doorstep in the rain if he didn't care? But, if he cared, why did he leave in the first place? The questions continued to plague his mind and he wanted nothing more then to just freeze them. Stop them. They kept coming, unrelenting as if they wanted to break him down until he was nothing but broken pieces being washed away by the rain.

Nathan clenched his teeth together. He was stronger than this. He was the envy of all the men and women that he knew. People were in awe of him. He was not weak. He was never like this. The rain continued to pour down on him. The drops of water pounding down on every inch of his body, it seeped through his clothing, covering his skin with wetness. It felt like he was so close to drowning in it all. His head shot up, the red of the door filling his senses. He was weak.

When it came to her, he was always weak.

And, so he came back to the same question. Did he care? He walked up to the door slowly, his steps almost trudging. The grime and the lies were latched onto his feet now, not wanting him to move forward. They kept him back but he pushed and the red of the door was growing closer and closer. It was still dim, he noticed now that he was up close. Not as blurry as it was before but it wasn't vivid, not bright. Not like how it used to be. His hand came up and he clenched it into a fist, knocking on the door. It was quiet at first but it grew, louder and louder. Faster, harder and soon he felt as if he would knock the door down, tear it off its hinges due to the heavy vibrations.

It stopped.

The door flung open but he didn't look up. He could feel the wave of warmth pour through the door, washing over him. She was standing there. He didn't have to look up to confirm it. He knew it because he could feel her. He didn't speak. His hand was still raised, in mid-air, his body slouched, the rain weighing down on his clothes, his hair, his whole being. He was still standing outside in the pouring rain, in the coldness, so close to the warmth of the inside, of her. But, he didn't dare move.

"Nathan?"

Her voice still sounded the same. Still the same rich, smooth and comforting tone that he knew from all those years ago. Briefly, he wondered if she still looked the same. He still didn't look up.

"Nathan?" She asked again. A tone of disbelief tainted her voice, "You're back."

Still the same, he mentally noted. Still Haley. Still constant. Still solid. Still firm. Still here. His hand came up to the doorframe and he felt as if he was clinging to it for support. The rain continued to beat down on his back and he still did not look up.

"You're back," she breathed softly. Her voice was cautious, tentative.

Nathan briefly wondered why before he felt it. The burning touch of her fingers on his cold wet skin. He could feel his cheek instantly warm up to her, because of her. She gently moved his head up, making him meet her gaze. Her eyes were still the same chocolate brown. A color that most thought was plain but he knew was so much more. He felt that she could see through time with those eyes, see through him. See all that he's done and perhaps would do. See what happened to him 12 hours ago that flung him into this predicament. See what happened to him to make him come here, to her.

He looked at her, his blue eyes gazing at her desperately and he felt as if he should say something. But, his voice was trapped within his stomach, churning, the acid slowly eating away at it. So, he simply looked at her, willing her to know. She had to know.

She gulped visibly before she whispered, "Come in."

He didn't respond immediately but after a few quiet moments, he took another step forward. The warmth surrounded him, resting at the edges of his skin. He stood there, his back turned towards her and the outside until he heard her close the door, sealing off the rain, sealing off the darkness. Only then did he turn around to face her. Her eyes were filled with questions; curious, demanding, and altogether filled with wonderment.

He didn't have the answers.

Haley took a step closer to him, unsure of what to do next. He shivered and she reacted on instinct. She touched him gently, the pads of her fingertips resting against the thin, wet cloth of his shirt. "You're soaking wet," she murmured quietly before leading him into the living room of her small house. "Sit down."

He could hear her bustling around for a few moments around the house. She returned with a blanket. His eyes were downcast but he could feel her wrap it around him. "I'll be right back." She busied herself with some other task and this time when she returned, she had a steaming cup of tea in her hands. "Drink this, it'll warm you up."

He nodded weakly and he could feel her starting to drift again. She was going to leave. He looked up at her and she turned away, breaking the gaze quickly. She stood up, her voice shaky, "I'll be right back."

His hand shot out, wrapping around her small wrist, cool meeting warm. Her eyes widened in surprise. She stared at him expectantly, not knowing what he was going to do or what he wanted. He tugged gently on her arm, "Stay."

She paused for a moment before nodding weakly and sitting back down onto the couch, her wrist still in his grasps. He didn't let go and she didn't speak. The tears began to form in her eyes before she could stop herself. There was so much that she wanted to know. So much that was unanswered but she couldn't find it in herself to ask them. Still so scared. She bit her lower lip, watching him carefully. Why did he look so lost?

She inched closer to him and he placed her wrist back in her lap before he let go. He didn't look at her and so he did not see her questioning gaze. She pushed the wet hair out of his face, swallowing hard before she closed her eyes tightly, forcing the tears away. She didn't dare speak, knowing her voice would betray her and crack. She simply sat there with him and he leaned in closer. She knew what he wanted. And, for now, she pushed the questions and reality away, indulging him.

She held him.

11111

This couldn't be real.

The thought seemed to flash through her mind repeatedly as Haley sat there silently, Nathan still in her arms. It all happened in a blur and her mind was still reeling from all that occurred within the past half hour. Only 30 minutes ago, she was still in a world of normal. A world where Nathan Scott did not just show up at her front door step in the rain looking like a lost little boy wanting to be held by her. Why was he here?

She looked down at him, wanting so badly to ask him. The question was bubbling up inside of her and she felt as if she was going to burst if she didn't ask it. She needed to know. She wanted to know so much. What had happened? He had left so many years ago and she had accepted that. She had moved on and the feelings she had for him were long buried in a box inside her mind marked 'do not open'. And, now he was back. And, she was holding him.

She didn't ask him why. She didn't ask him anything. She simply let him in and then she held him. Why was she being so accepting about all of this? But, then again, how else was she supposed to react? What was the proper and normal thing to do in a situation like this? She had never gone through something like this before and she was acting on instinct. And, instinct told her to hold the broken man in front of her for now and to save the questions for later. Her eyes moved over him gently and she wondered silently. Was he really broken? Was it an act? Was he lying to her? Maybe, he really was. If he was, what happened? Why was he like this? Nathan had never acted like this before. His only real weakness when he was younger was his father, but even then, he had managed to break away from the sadistic bastard. He was strong enough to handle that.

Whatever had him on his knees now was so much more. It was something that scared him so much more, Haley realized. She paled at that thought. What was it that scared him to this extent?

Did she even want to know? She silently questioned herself. Did she still care about him? She cast her brown eyes upon him and realized that yes, she still did care about him. She had loved him before. Loved him with all her heart and loved him more than she thought was possible and a part of that love still lingered within her, dormant. So, yes, she cared but did she love him still?

She paused. That was a question she couldn't answer.

She brushed the hair gently out of his face and looked down at him, a small smile gracing her face as she saw that his eyes were closed. The image was a perfect feigned appearance for peacefulness but Haley knew that was far from the truth. Lying beneath his closed eyelids were stormy eyes seeking truth and comfort. And, right now, she didn't know if she was the one who could provide that for him. She wasn't even sure if that was what he wanted from her. She shook her head silently. Things were so confusing. It seemed to always be that way when it came to him.

"Why are you here, Nathan?" She asked softly.

He didn't answer for a few moments. He simply kept his eyes closed before they suddenly shot open and he pushed his way out of her arms, sitting up on the couch, an unreadable expression on his face. "What would you do if someone told you that you were going to die?"

Haley frowned at his question before shaking her head, "We're all going to die eventually."

He looked at her intensely, "Not eventually, within just a few days."

Haley's brow furrowed before she suddenly found herself laughing gently, "Nathan, is that what's got you all riled up? Because, someone told you something as ludicrous as that."

"It's not," He said seriously, "You know as well as I do that I don't take bullshit very well and I sure as hell don't fall for stuff like this. But, everything that she said," he stood up suddenly, beginning to pace around the room, "was so true and it scared the shit out of me. And, then she told me that I was going to die within 72 hours." He paused before staring at Haley, "Do you know how it feels to have someone tell you that your life is going to end within a few days?" He demanded, running his hand through his hair, "I won't exist anymore."

"Nathan, calm down."

"I will not calm down," he said fiercely. She leaned back in defeat and he sighed heavily before looking at her, unable to express his meaning. "I'm scared, Haley. It felt so real when she told me and she knew things," he shook his head, "things that she had no right knowing. She told me," he paused, "everything. I don't want it to be real but it felt that way."

Haley gulped visibly, struggling to find her voice, "Look, Nathan, it's probably just coincidence that she managed to guess a few right answers."

"It's not coincidence," he said, his jaw clenching.

"Okay, okay," she took in a deep breath, "J-Just calm down and start from the beginning."

Nathan rolled his hand into a fist before stopping his pacing, "Tim's girlfriend convinced us to go to her psychic yesterday because she was convinced that the woman was the real deal. I went along because I had nothing better to do and then, I got my reading." He sighed heavily, "I shouldn't have gone."

Haley nodded silently before folding her hands together, "Why come here?" She asked before she could stop herself, "I mean, of all places."

Nathan frowned at her before shrugging, "I don't know. I was just, so confused and lost and my feet led me here. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I went to that damn psychic. I don't know why she said the things she did. I don't know why I believe her as much as I do." He sighed heavily before falling back onto the couch, "I don't know anything." He buried his head in his hands.

Haley looked at him, not knowing what else to do. She moved a bit closer, trying her best to soothe his frazzled nerves by patting his back and whispering comforting words into his ear. When he interrupted her, his voice was coarse, "I don't want to die."

She could feel the tears stinging her eyes before she took his hands in hers. She squeezed it gently before looking him the eye, remaining quiet.

What was she supposed to say?

11111

Five years ago, Nathan Scott left Tree Hill in hopes of finding more out of his life. He wanted opportunity and he wanted a life in which he would achieve fame and wealth that overcame that of his father. He had succeeded. He had become the jewel of envy in the eyes of the men and women that surrounded him. He had everything that he could've ever wanted and dreamed of. Wealth, fame, influence and power.

He didn't have love.

He left that part of him back in Tree Hill. And, he was satisfied with that. He was young and he had the fast paced life that most people spent their entire lives running after. He didn't need love. Now, that he was here, sitting in the middle of his ex-girlfriend's living room on her aged sofa, he wasn't sure what he needed and didn't need.

He thought he didn't need love or any of the ideal things that were reserved for his future. Like, a wife. A family, kids, a house, pets, friendly neighbors. A family. He didn't need that _now_, he thought he had his whole life ahead of him. One simple visit to the psychic proved him wrong. He didn't have his whole life ahead of him. He barely had three days ahead of him and suddenly, he realized that he didn't have any of the things that he wanted when he was younger. He always pushed it aside, thinking it could be done tomorrow. There was so much that he never experienced and that pained him inside.

He cast his eyes on Haley, his voice shaky, "Tell me you love me."

Haley's head shot up; surprised at his sudden request. She stammered, "W-What?"

"Tell me you love me," he repeated, his voice calm.

"Nathan, I c-can't-"

"Because, I've never had someone say that to me before," he said brokenly, "Not in a romantic way." He paused for a moment before looking up at her, staring intently at her, "How does it feel when someone tells you that?" His hands were shaking as he said, "I'd like to know."

Haley tried her best to formulate words, phrases, something that would comfort him. Something that would soothe his fears and ease away the pain and confusion she knew he was feeling at the moment. Everything that came to mind seemed to fall short. Her mind was drawing a blank and it stung her on the inside. She wanted so badly to reach out to him and help him but she didn't know how. How could she help him? She swallowed the lump in her throat, saying shakily, "You will, Nathan. You'll find a wife that you'll love with your whole heart and then you'll marry her and you'll grow old with her." She forced out the next few words, "And, every day, she'll tell you that she loves you."

Blue eyes stared down at the carpet, as if hoping it would turn into something else altogether. It all seemed so surreal, being here in Tree Hill, back at Haley's house. He wanted to go back to his life, back to his carefree life where troubles were a thing of the past. He wanted this all to disappear. The worry, the pain and the paranoia of what might happen of what might not happen. This wasn't like him and he hated feeling this way. He hated feeling like he had no more control over his own life.

He stood up suddenly, his breathing erratic, "Do you have a car?"

"Yes, but-"

"Get your keys," Nathan said quickly before he walked towards the door.

Frowning, Haley snatched her keys from the table by her side before running up to catch up to him. Closing and locking her door, she stood on her front porch, shaking her head and trying her best to duck the rain. She watched him carefully, standing in the rain, his body straight and unwavering as he waited for her. He blended so well against the blue of the rain and the surroundings. There was such a contrast between the rich, earthy tones of her house and the heavy downpour of the outside. She took a step out, the light drops of rain falling upon her hair, slipping over her clothes. She could feel it begin to soak in.

Nodding to herself, she took a few more steps closer, off the porch, onto the driveway until she was standing on the driver's side of the car, firmly grasping her keys. She looked at him intently, "What next, Nathan?"

"We drive," Nathan said softly. So softly that she barely heard him through the pouring of the rain.

Haley pushed away a strand of her soaked hair, opening the door to her car and getting in. She avoided his intense stare as she started the car, pulling out onto the street, having no idea which direction she was supposed to be going in. She would drive though. For him, she would.

Nathan was quiet as he watched her. He had no shame in the act. She knew that he was watching her and said nothing about it and so he continued. She was still beautiful, he mentally noted. Her brown tresses matted against the side of her face, wet from the rain of the outside. She was shivering, he noticed suddenly and his hand shot out, turning on the heater without a word. It was on impulse, like everything else he had done in the past 12 hours. Impulse.

Like buying tickets for a bus ride to Tree Hill. Impulse. Walking to her door, not even knowing if she still lived there. Impulse. Going into her home, accepting her warmth and kindness before asking outrageous things from her. All on impulse. He felt like that was all he had now. Just the sudden questions and statements. Everything was blurry and hazy now, nothing was clear, nothing was still, nothing was concrete.

He felt like his whole world was still spinning from shock and he no longer had a solid footing on what he thought he needed or wanted. Right now, he was just going with what he had left. And, honestly, he didn't even know what was left. He was too tired to analyze. He looked towards her, the weakness crumbling down upon him. He sighed heavily. She would be strong for him.

He knew she would.

He used to despise the need for dependence on others but now, he desperately needed it. He needed her pity. He needed her sympathy. He needed her warmth. He needed her love. He needed the essence of her. He needed her life.

He needed her.

11111

"I want to see the ocean," Nathan said quietly, tapping his fingers lightly against the window.

Haley simply nodded before continuing to drive in the correct direction. Why was she doing this? She couldn't help but question that. It wasn't like she owed Nathan anything. They had said their goodbyes long ago and she had enough closure to move on from it. She didn't expect anything from him and he shouldn't expect anything in return. But, still, here he was, in her car, by her side, asking for something that any normal person would consider odd or perhaps even, outrageous but she still agreed to it. Why was she here? Why was she driving him to see the ocean?

True, the drive was short as Tree Hill was close to the Atlantic but she, herself had rarely driven in this direction. She hadn't seen the ocean herself in years. And, now, because Nathan Scott, someone who had practically disappeared from her life all those years ago, suddenly showed up, she was going to go ahead and just do it. Why? Because, he asked.

It seemed ridiculous to even her own mind. But, yet, it felt so right at the same time. She couldn't deny him. In his current state, she didn't want to deny him. He wasn't asking for the world. He was just asking to see the ocean. Maybe, he wanted peace, normalcy, life. She didn't know. She wasn't sure what he was seeking; she was just hoping he could find it.

Twenty minutes passed by in silence. Haley parked the car in an empty lot, turning off the engine before she sat back in her seat. "We're here."

He simply nodded numbly before he opened the door, stepping out of the vehicle and away from the car. There was a large hill in front of the lot, blocking the view of the ocean. It stood before him like an obstacle, much like one he's seen many times before in his life, only then, it was in metaphoric terms. Looking up at the hill, he felt as if all his past challenges were rolling into one large one, placed in front of him. Step by step, he climbed the hill, not caring that there were a set of stairs only five feet away. He didn't want it to be easy. Not any more.

He had easy his entire life. He didn't want easy any more. He wanted the challenge, he wanted for once, to say that he overcame the obstacle for himself. Not for a petty spite against his father or to impress some random socialite. He would climb over this damn hill because he wanted to prove something to himself. That he still had some control over his own actions and who he was.

Almost at the top, he felt his knees go weak and his balance slip but before he could fall, he clutched onto a patch of grass. The dirt stained his clothing and the shoes that he wore but he paid no attention to the pesky details. He simply pushed harder until he climbed the hill completely. The blue of ocean melted together with the blue of the sky, meeting in a bumpy horizontal line. He felt like he could reach out and touch the different blues and whites. It was all so close and so far away at the same time.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Her voice was soft and Nathan didn't have to look in her direction to know that she was standing by his side. Close but not close enough. Her breathing was normal, steady. She didn't climb the hill like he did. She took the stairs. Easy. She deserved easy. She wasn't like him. She had to endure harshness and difficulty her whole life. She needed easy and she deserved it.

He had always thought that the life she leaded was the type that was looked down upon. Staying in the same, small hometown that she was born in. A small place called Tree Hill that no one had ever heard of. He realized now that he envied her for it because of the simplicity of the life she led. She was happy with the simple things. She was happy with just watching the ocean and the waves coming up to kiss the sand.

She was happy with her life.

He wanted to be happy too.

11111

Haley dug her toes into the sand, her hand twiddling with the denim of her jeans as she looked backwards, briefly glancing at the sandals she had thrown to the side. There was a coolness settling over her feet and she looked down to see the water rush up to her bare feet. A small smile covered her features as she looked towards Nathan, watching him silently as he studied the sand beneath him with sharp eyes.

He looked so out of place in his expensive clothing and shoes. There was a large contrast between the serenity of the location and his tense figure, standing there amidst it all and afraid to move. Haley's eyes softened before she moved to sit down on the sand. She looked up at him and saw that still, he didn't budge. "What are you thinking about?"

Nathan didn't respond for a few moments. He simply continued to stare at the sand beneath him before he craned his neck upwards, his blue eyes taking in the ocean before him. Wasn't he supposed to feel peaceful now? Wasn't some sort of calm supposed to settle in the pit of his stomach? Weren't his problems supposed to dissipate now that he was here and with Haley? She was the pillar of support and she providing the opportunity for him to rely on her and to tell her all his problems. They would go away then, wouldn't they?

As he stood there, his limbs seemingly unwilling to function, he realized that none of what he expected to happen actually did. Haley didn't yell at him, she didn't verbally attack him, she just calmly accepted him and offered her help. It was so unlike what he was used to. When he asked to be brought to the ocean, he assumed that it would have a calming effect on his busy, overworked mind. It didn't. It only seemed to make the wheels turn faster and now, he just felt like his mind would combust at any moment.

He looked down at her, sitting there, her arms wrapped around her knees, a small smile on her face as she watched him intently. It could've been a romantic and heartwarming moment. This could've turned out to be a story that Haley would share with her grandkids when she was older, telling them about how miracles did still happen and could happen to them as well. His whole life, he felt, could've been something so much more but it wasn't.

He had left Tree Hill because he wanted more out of his life but it seemed his priorities had changed and the definition of 'more' was no longer freedom and living for himself. It had become materialistic and one sided. He had never paused to wonder when it faded into that. He had never stopped to think before he acted. And, now, it seemed it had all caught up to him as his world slowed to a grinding halt and there he was, dealing with the repercussions. He could hear it all begin to settle around him and finally conscious thought was seeping in. He just didn't know how to handle it. How to understand it. Nothing in his mind made any sort of sense and he felt that reason and logic were beyond him now. 12 hours ago, a psychic informed him he was going to die. Reason and logic was like the sand beneath him being washed away by the waves.

"Everything," Nathan finally replied before he turned his gaze back onto the ocean. He made a move to sit down before he straightened once again, the word slipping from his lips, "Nothing." He let out a heavy sigh and looked down at her, his eyes masked, "I'm not sure what I'm thinking of."

"Nothing makes sense?" Haley asked gently.

"It does for a moment and I think that I'm finally beginning to see things clearly but than it stops. And, things get all muddled again. I'm just going back and forth between them. I think for a moment, it's all settled and it'll all stop and in the next, all these thoughts come rushing back to me and I just," he paused, his whole stature limp and weakened.

Haley held out her hand, tentatively before she brushed it up against him, pulling him down gently. His limbs did not protest as he slid down beside her, sitting next to her as she said softly, "Just don't think anymore, at least, try not to. It'll make the pounding stop." She smiled before laughing lightly, "You wanted to see the ocean, didn't you?" She bit her lower lip, her right hand lifting, gesturing at the Atlantic, "Here it is."

Nathan looked out at the ocean, watching as the blues sifted together and he could feel it all begin to subside within him, "Yeah," he whispered, "There it is."

Haley nodded shortly before she cast her brown eyes away, starting to feel uncomfortable with the entire situation. She felt like she couldn't even get through to him. He seemed so... out there and she wasn't even sure if he wanted her help or not. She was trying, starting from small conversation but he seemed even unwilling to respond to even that. But, this wasn't about her. It was about him. She pushed her fingers into the sand, her lips pursed together.

It was hard. And, awkward. And, utterly surreal, all at the same time.

She let out a heavy sigh, placing a small smile on her face as she said softly, "I remember when I used to come down here all the time. There was just something about watching the Atlantic that made me feel, I don't know," she shrugged, "better, I guess." She laughed at herself for a moment, "The ocean, it's continuous and I guess I always found that comforting on a certain level."

Nathan was silent for a few more moments before he said quietly, "I used to hate this place."

Haley's brow furrowed in confusion, "But, you guys even had a beach house down here and I remember we used to come down here all the time together."

"It's a safety zone," Nathan answered shortly. He paused before he leaned back, pushing his shoes against the sand, "The beach house was a sort of safety place in my dad's world. It was where I would go if my parents ever got in a fight or if I needed to drink away another night by throwing a party." He didn't look at her, not wanting to see her expression. "All those years, I was trying to be someone different, someone other than Nathan Scott, Dan Scott's son but I never succeeded, even though I thought I did. I never left the safety of what I've been used to. It was all meaningless." He laughed at himself, the tone bitter, "Even now, I'm still back here."

Haley was silent, unsure of how to reply to a confession of that kind. She bit her lower lip, afraid to look towards Nathan. Maybe it was better that she didn't say anything at all. Maybe he just wanted her to listen. She sighed to herself. Who was she kidding? This type of situation did not call for maybes. She had to be certain and she was far from it. Haley simply sat there for a few moments, hoping he'd understand her meaning and her own uncertainty.

He made a move to stand up and Haley opened her mouth, willing her voice to come back to her and say something that would help him. Say something that would give him the solid evidence that she was there to support him and that she would be there for him. But, nothing came out and he looked at her, his expression dull, "You don't need to say anything," he said in a monotone before he trudged up the sand.

Haley swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched him walk away. She could feel it all slipping away inside of her and she could feel the urge to cry rise up within her but she quickly suppressed it. She stood up silently, her eyes stinging as she moved towards the stairs. She watched him helplessly.

He didn't climb the hill this time. And, neither did she.

11111

Haley cleared her throat for the fifth time in the few minutes in which she and Nathan had been in the car, her driving and concentrating on the road ahead of her while he sat in the passenger's seat, his blue eyes watching the passing scenery with dull interest. It was all done in silence, one in which Haley wanted to break desperately. It seemed everything that was coming to her mind, the wise words, the quirky phrases... they were all failing in this situation. And, she knew now, possibly more than ever that whatever she said at that moment wouldn't help things. Nathan was right. She didn't need to say anything because her emotions and what she felt were stated plainly on her face. She reacted to death and the possibility of it in the normal, predicted fashion. Shock, disbelief, skepticism, confusion and than denial. She wanted to believe him but a part of her, the realist in her couldn't. He was basing all his actions on a reading from a psychic that he had never even been to before. A few words spoken from this stranger's mouth had put him in this situation. Hundreds of miles away from home, away from normal and straight into her arms and her life. He was in Tree Hill again and even now, he didn't fit. And, it made her see a few things that he probably couldn't see himself. He was right in leaving Tree Hill, what he did afterwards was a different story. But, he was never meant to lead the life that she had led. He was never meant to stay in his hometown and make a living there. He really was meant for something more, meant for fame, perhaps or meant for a life filled with wealth and glamour. He was never meant for a life like hers.

He was never meant for a life with her.

She couldn't see it before as a teenager and when he had left, he had broken her heart. She was older now and she was more understanding of the matter. When she looked at him, she didn't still feel the pain that she had before when she was at a fragile age of eighteen. There was still a dull ache inside but with enough struggle, she could push it away. When she looked at him now, she wanted to help and it wasn't because she had been hopelessly in love with him for the past five years, it was because she still cared about him. She still cared about him in that manner that would never die away. It wasn't the passionate type that would ignite quickly and die away just as rapid. It was the slow burning type, the kind that stayed in the pit of your stomach, always there and steady. When she was sixteen and the relationship first began, she truly was in love with him and when he had left, it had hurt so much that something as simple as breathing was an enormous task to accomplish. And, now, five years later, the pain had subsided and the passion had faded, leaving her with the type of love and care that was just as strong, perhaps even stronger.

They were on the freeway now and with each passing roadway sign that loomed overhead, they were farther and farther from Tree Hill, from comfort, from safety. She was hoping that was what he wanted, what he meant. She honestly didn't know. She only had an inkling of an idea of what he wanted and she was going with it. She wasn't even sure which direction she was traveling in as most of her driving was done on local roads. Living in a small town in North Carolina, she was used to the basics and she had never found a real reason to travel outside of Tree Hill. She was satisfied with it all. Perhaps, that was the biggest difference between her and Nathan. He always wanted more while she was happy with what she had. He was always so privileged and had the top of the line benefits while she was complacent with average.

They had been so different. And, they had realized that too late.

It was the reason why they were in their current situations now. Together in the same car, only a few inches away from one other yet mentally, so far apart yet together at the same time. It was exactly like how their relationship had been. They had their similarities and they had their differences. There were moments when they were together that Haley felt he truly understanded her meaning, even when others couldn't, yet at the next, it would quickly dissipate, leaving a cold behind. She supposed it was more exciting that way and that was what everyone wanted when they were younger, she thought... excitement, passion, love. She was older now and when she paused to think, she realized that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. At least, nothing long term or solid. She knew what she wanted in that moment and that was to help Nathan and learn to understand him, this new version of him who had so many similarities to who he was before. He was still the same yet so radically different at the same time.

So many contradictions. Was it always that way?

The answer didn't come to mind immediately and Haley simply pushed the question away, turning her attentions back onto Nathan. Back onto the present and back onto what she could do to help, if anything.

She knew what he expected out of her. A fix, an answer. She was tutor girl, after all. She was the one with all the answers. She was the one that he always came to when he needed to know how to solve a problem or help on something. She was the one that he depended on. Even five years after they had parted, he had somehow managed to find his way back and again, he was asking for help. She just didn't know if she could provide the answer. She wasn't perfect. He had always put her on a pedestal of sorts, thinking that she was smarter than him, better than him. She couldn't and would never fall from grace, in his mind. She was the good girl who could do no wrong and therefore have all the right answers.

But, she wasn't. She was normal and human, just like him. He never saw that though and he still didn't. 

She watched silently as the sky slowly darkened. Day had died away, leaving a cool and dark shadow in its place.

"Where are we going?"

Haley almost jumped at the question, his voice, though soft rang loudly through the silent, enclosed air of the car. "I'm not sure," she said, eyeing the roadway sign passing above her, "West."

"Are we going back soon?"

"If you want." The answer was simple and short, the kind that she knew he liked.

"I don't," he said softly, shaking his head in frustration. He lifted his hand, his fingernails digging into his palm as she pushed it against the side of his head, "I'm so tired of thinking and wondering and guessing what'll happen next. What'll happen to me 60 hours from now. How it'll happen." He turned to her suddenly, his voice demanding, "I keep seeing myself dying, so many different ways and variations on how my life will end." He let out a heavy sigh, his voice strained, "And, I can't make it stop." He closed his eyes tightly, "Tell me how to make it stop."

Haley's grip tightened on the wheel and she could feel the tears, once again, begin to rise. She might not have still loved him in the way she did all those years ago but she still felt for him. She felt his pain and she felt his desperation. Trying her best to keep her voice steady, she said, "I can't." The answer was simple and it hung lonesome in the air. A chill struck through her body and she shivered, her hand moving to the heat, turning it up. She sniffled before she glanced at him, the first time since they had gotten in the car, "I can't tell you how to do anything." She paused for a moment, "Nothing I say right now will erase the past. Nothing I say will stop the future. Nothing I say will freeze the present." She bit her lower lip, "I want to help you and I will. But, I can't make it stop," she whispered, her voice hoarse, "I could lie to you but you deserve more than that. I won't paint false impressions in your mind and pretend that I have some magical way to solve all of this because I don't." Her throat constricted and she could feel her body begin to tighten as the tears stung her cheeks, blurring her vision. Her right hand came up and she wiped the tears away furiously, "All I have and everything that I am is right in front of you." She whispered softly, "This is all I am."

Nathan's fingers traced the window as he sat there silently, his expression never changing, "It's getting late." He seemed to have completely ignored her previous outburst as he said this plainly.

Haley nodded weakly, mentally berating herself for breaking down. It was only further proof that she was not the solid pillar that he had expected and wanted. She was no longer the steady form of support that he had come to depend on. Things had changed over the years and he had barely scratched the surface. She quickly exited the freeway, pulling into the parking lot of an empty motel. The weight of the day was settling upon her shoulders and the energy was drained from her. She didn't want to drive back home tonight. She didn't want to go back to Tree Hill.

She managed to smile at the clerk and after a few minutes of basic information exchanged, the key to room #11 was placed in her grasps. She knocked on Nathan's window. His expression never changed and he didn't make a move as to acknowledge her. Haley let out a heavy sigh and with shoulders slumped, she walked to the motel room, her hand shaking slightly as she opened the door. She could hear his footsteps coming up behind her and a small smile appeared onto her face. Turning on the light, she waited for him to walk into the room. Closing the door with her back, she watched as he kicked off his shoes, his body falling onto the bed as he simply sat there, his eyes focused on the peeling wallpaper in front of him.

She busied herself for the next twenty minutes, readying herself for sleep with the cheap, complimentary toothbrush and toothpaste she had gotten from the clerk. Walking out of the bathroom, Haley saw that he was still in the same position that he was since he first walked in. Letting out a heavy sigh, she touched him gingerly on the shoulder, as if afraid he would strike or if she would do something further to hurt him. She shouldn't have broken down. She was supposed to be strong and she had failed him. In a time of need, she had fallen short. And, it stung.

"I'm going to sleep, okay?"

He nodded briefly for a moment and watched her silently as she got into the bed, snuggling into the uncomfortable sheets and comforter. The light was still on and he suddenly stood. He crawled further onto the bed, settling down next to her. He stretched his body out and remained on his side as he gently pushed her hair away from her face. Her eyes fluttered open in confusion, about to speak before he stopped her, placing a finger upon her lips.

His voice was calm as he whispered huskily, "Lie to me."


	2. Chapter 2

Haley simply stared at him for a few quiet moments, the familiar shivers rushing through her body as his hand gently caressed the side of her face. She shifted her gaze downwards, unable to control the emotions bubbling within her. Her hand went up to clutch her chest, feeling as if something was trying to claw its way out of her. The tears stung her eyes as her lips trembled, her breath shaky as the perspiration seeped from her skin.

Her brown orbs looked cautiously into his and she let out a heavy sigh when she saw the clouded mask in his eyes. She knew what he wanted. What she didn't know was why he would possibly want it from her. Haley looked at him intently, wishing that she could read something, anything… a signal of some sort; something that told her how he was feeling and something to guide her actions. She didn't want to hurt him as she knew that he had been broken down enough. She wanted to do something that would make things better. She just didn't know what that something was.

His fingers inched down to the smooth skin of her arm and she could feel him drawing small circles on her flesh. She could feel his hot breath on her skin. And, she could feel the warmth radiating from his body due to their closeness. She could feel him, all of him and it was wrong. So very, very, very wrong. She was supposed to say no and take the moral high ground. She was supposed to say no and offer an alternate method to comfort him. She shouldn't be leaning into his touch or moving closer to his willing body.

She wasn't supposed to be kissing him.

But, even as he moved his body over hers, his touch igniting blazes upon her skin, she did not protest. She returned the kisses with equal fervor and clawed to his shirt, wanting to pull him in closer and push him away all at the same time. It was wrong what she was doing, what they were doing together but it didn't feel that way. For the first time in so long, she felt like she was living again. She had to wonder, was he feeling the same way?

The thoughts began to slip from her mind as she fell into his touch. She closed her eyes, feeling the immense pleasure of having a warm body near her wash over her. The darkness behind her eyelids only seemed to intensify the entire situation and she could feel it all.. hear it all. The heavy breathing, the desperate touches, the rhythmic pounding of her heart against her chest. She could feel it all consuming her and she was lost in the emotion. She felt as if all the years that they've been together and been apart had led up to this moment. Alone yet together, feeling more than they should've been able to feel in a single touch, a single moment. She wasn't supposed to be able to feel this much. The pounding of her heart sped up and she closed her eyes tightly as she struggled to breathe, the panting of her breaths drowning out everything else in the room. She was going to burst.. she could feel it. A human being was not supposed to feel this much at the same time. She was not meant to ever feel this way. And, most definitely not with Nathan.

This wasn't right.

Her eyes snapped open and she hurriedly pushed him away as she scrambled off the bed, her breathing still labored. She looked down at the carpet, not wanting to meet his gaze, already knowing what he was thinking. She tried her best cover herself as she sniffled quietly, never before feeling more vulnerable then she did at the moment. The warmth left her body and she could feel the coldness slowly begin to seep in as she slowly lifted her eyes, her brown orbs trying to make out his expression in the darkness.

She couldn't.

Clearing her throat, she muttered a few intelligible words before rushing off into the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she turned on the light and shielded her eyes away from the glaring white of the room and the light. She didn't look in the mirror. She didn't want to see herself, ragged and haggard. She was disgusting. How could she fall into the moment like that and basically take advantage of Nathan in that manner? She was supposed to be strong.. and helpful and she was not supposed to fail him anymore. But, it was so hard, not knowing how to dissect his signals and just the mere presence of him seemed to transform her into a bumbling idiot. She wanted so desperately to do what was right but she could no longer distinguish between what was right and what was wrong.

It all blended together now, one fading into the other. What just happened felt… right. But, it wasn't, she argued. It wasn't. It couldn't possibly be right. Then again, nothing that had happened in the past few hours seemed right. Her world had tilted horribly off its axis and now she was just catching up with gravity. And, she couldn't do it.

Haley looked up at herself in the mirror and tried her best to hold back the tears though she could feel herself cracking, bit by bit. She gripped the edge of the sink tightly, her nails digging into the counter as the tears stung her eyes. Squeezing them together tightly, she gasped loudly, feeling the breath escape from her lips as she collapsed onto the floor of the bathroom.

The emotion was slowly draining out of her now.

He could hear her sobs from the bed.

Nathan ran his fingers along the smooth lining of the mattress, his fingers pressing into the sheets as he struggled to figure out his next action. He supposed the right thing to do was to comfort her and soothe her ailing worries but a sense of brevity laid within him now and he wasn't entirely positive that what he would have to say, or lack of, would be welcomed. He paused for a moment, his mind disturbingly quiet as he made a move to get off the bed.

How did it manage to get back to this again? Wasn't this the reason why he left in the first place? He didn't want to deal with this sort of messiness, the feelings, the crying and the pain. It was just a complication that he didn't want to handle in that period of his life and even up to this point, he still didn't want to handle. He didn't like messy and he didn't like tangled relationships.

Haley seemed to be the embodiment of that and so when he had a chance to escape, he did. In retrospect, he realized that what he did might have been considered wrong or immoral but he was so young, only eighteen, and he did not want to settle down with a serious girlfriend or have to deal with the complications that came with that sort of relationship. He just wanted to live. As he sat there in the motel room, listening to his ex-girlfriend try her best to suppress her tears, he knew that in those few moments with her, he had lived more than he did in the past few years.

What he had been going through before, jumping from girl to girl without any real emotional connection was not living. It was just his body making physical movements. He had been a shell, hollowed out and lost to real feeling. It should've scared him that a few touches with a girl he barely knew anymore could bring a part he thought he lost long ago back again. It should've scared him that a few moments with her could replace years of numbness.

It should've scared him that for the first time in years, he felt again.

It didn't. For the first time since his visit with the psychic, he felt a sort of morbid comfort. A sort of comfort that he should not have felt at the sound of a girl crying in the next room. But, it did. It was a reminder that he was still real and that he could still inflict pain upon others and vice versa. It was a reminder that he was still a human being with emotions and ties to reality, though it had been so long since he felt that way. It was a reminder of his past which had been tainted with emotions. It was a reminder that he was still Nathan Scott… now a man of many facets.

His hand rested upon the door knob of the bathroom. He placed a gentle pressure upon it, his heart pounding within his chest. He hadn't felt a nervousness of this sort in so long… he though he had forgotten what nervousness was. The bright light of the bathroom poured into the darkness of the hotel room as the gap between the door and the doorframe grew wider and wider.

The sight should not have affected him as much as it did. After all, he had been away from her for so long and he thought all emotional ties had been broken, at least, they should've been. Seeing Haley cry on the floor, her head buried between her knees should not have shocked and stabbed him as much as it did. He had made plenty of girls cry within the years of his leaving and it never once bothered him as much, or at all, as it did at that moment.

He wanted nothing more than to sit down next to her and take her into his arms. He wanted to whisper sweet nothings into her ear, like he did so long ago, and comfort her and make her stop crying. But, he didn't move. He couldn't move. He felt as if the power of movement had been stolen from his body and as he simply stood there, he could feel the stony setting begin to solidify within him. He couldn't go back to all those years ago. They couldn't go back to all those years ago.

He couldn't afford it. Maybe, if circumstances were different, things could change and he could be different. But, he couldn't. Nobody could change within 72 hours and if anybody could, it certainly wouldn't be him. He didn't have time to waste on a hopeless dream of the past. He had to focus on now. He had to focus on him.

Not Haley.

So, when he reached down to grab her hand and then proceeded to wrap his arms around her, the surprise was not only present upon her but on him as well. What exactly was he doing?

He honestly didn't know anymore. He hadn't known what he was doing for awhile now, even before the reading. It felt like he had just been wandering aimlessly, there was no purpose for him. Now, there was. He had a reason to live because if he didn't, he would never have another chance.

Nathan knelt down next to her and brought his hand up to her face, cupping her chin gently. She looked as if she expected him to say something, perhaps utter a few words that would soothe her but he would not speak. He would not offer any words of advice or consolation. He would just hold her like she did with him.

For now, that was enough.

Nathan's blue eyes skimmed the darkened hotel room. He leaned back against the headboard and he let out a deep sigh. His thoughts had finally quieted down over the past few hours, the last few hours of his life. They were slowly slipping away now and what was he doing? He was lying in a shoddy motel room with his high school girlfriend sleeping in his lap.

What exactly was the right thing to do in his sort of situation? The predictable thing would probably be blowing away his bank account buying everything that he had fantasized about his entire life or spending the last sweet hours of his life in the arms of the most beautiful woman in the world. He was supposed to be finding a way to cram a lifetime's worth of memories into a few short hours.

That was all material though. And, he had had enough of material in his life to know that he didn't need anymore of it. The only thing that seemed to hold any ounce of importance was something of substance. He wanted something that could actually have worth.

He looked down at Haley, his hand gently caressing her hair. He smoothed the tear stains from her skin. She was still so beautiful, even while she was sleeping. She was so sound and calm at the moment, a sharp contrast from what she was only a few hours ago. He knew that his sudden reappearance into her life must've been a jolt to her nervous system and in her typical manner- she had tried to be strong. She had tried to be strong for herself and for him, most importantly. She had tried and his eyes, she had not failed. The mere fact that she was lying here with him now and that subconsciously, she trusted him enough to be able to fall asleep in his arms stirred something deep within him. He wasn't sure if it was comfort or love or something material that could be burned away with all his other possessions.

He just knew that it kept him holding on.

The dark outside was slowly dipping past the horizon and a faint light could be seen spreading across the vast expanse of the sky. It would be morning soon and she would be waking up. She would be apologetic for her actions and she would feel guilt. Her eyes would be downcast her words would fall to a mere whisper and she'd be out of his arms, keeping a safe distance between their bodies.

She wouldn't let him hold her again, not in the way they were now, not in the way that he wanted and craved.

He closed his eyes, the sleep that had been forced away in the past few hours finally taking its toll on his body. He wrapped his arms around her, a calm settling within him as it finally overcame him.

Haley's eyes fluttered open, her mind was blank, her heart quiet as she struggled to regain some memory of what had happened the night before. She felt the warmth emitting from the body next to her and as her vision focused, she saw that it was none other than Nathan Scott.

It all came rushing back to her then and all she could do was smile sadly. She studied him silently, her hand coming up from her side up to his face. A frown marred his handsome features and she couldn't help but wonder what he was dreaming of. What was he thinking of? What was going on in that mind of his? Now and before.

All the words and actions that he had said and made in the day past had all been so vague and mysterious. She was the type that was analytical and liked to know the clear cut meaning of things. Even at that moment, she thought she could read the answers off his face but she knew that she couldn't. He couldn't provide her with any answers even if he tried because nothing was clear to him at this point.

His whole world had been tilted of his axis and he was searching for answers, just like she was. She thought she was happy the way she was before and maybe she truly was but now, she questioned it and it was because of him. It wasn't intentional on his part, it was just his influence and their current predicament. She almost felt as if that she was the one who had gotten the reading and was the one whose life would be ripped away in a few hours.

No, she said to herself. Her eyes bored into him, she couldn't believe it. She wouldn't let herself. He would go on living. After two days had past, he would see that the psychic's reading was all a hoax and he could go back to living his life the way he did, knowing that what had happened between them would be buried and turn into nothing but a faded memory.

He would leave her again. This time, she wanted to believe she was prepared for it.

There was no reason for her not to be. It wasn't as if what they had between them was fresh. The gaping wound that she had years before was mended now and she could look at him without wanting to fall to her knees in tears. She bit her lower lip, knowing that it was a lie. If she truly believed that, she wouldn't have fallen into him so quickly and passionately as she did yesterday.

Her hand went to her lips, she could still taste him. She could still taste his desperation and his desire for something to fill the empty space inside him. She could still feel the life pumping through his veins, the life that was in jeopardy and might be lost in a few hours from now. She watched him with melancholic eyes. How was it possible that he could still do this to her?

She thought they had grown past that now.

Letting out a sigh, she pushed her thoughts away and crawled off the bed. She stumbled into the shower, turning the water onto its maximum heat. The hot liquid pounded onto her skin, the feeling was intense but the relief fleeting.

He was still sleeping when she walked back into the bedroom. Using a towel to dry off her hair, she slipped into the sofa chair by the bed, her clothes sticking to her wet body.

She could only wait now.

There had been no nightmares that plagued his sleep. He almost wished that there were when he woke up and gained conscious thought. It would've been a momentary distraction. His body was wrapped up in the sheets but all he felt on the surface was coldness. He was alone in the bed.

Turning his head, he saw that he was sitting a few feet away from him, watching him with a controlled gaze.

"You're awake."

He nodded before sitting up.

"Are you hungry?" She fiddled with her fingers. He could hear the uncertainty in her voice. "Do you want me to make some coffee?"

"Sure."

Thankful for the task, she got to her feet and moved to the desk. She looked into the mirror and watched as he got off the bed, stretching and acting so… normal. She really wasn't sure what to expect from him. He was always unpredictable. Did he still believe what that psychic had told him? Or did a good night's rest erase that?

She wished she could gather the courage to just ask him.

He was out of the bathroom by the time she finished half a cup of coffee. It didn't manage to soothe her nerves. Instead, it seemed to make her more on edge and frazzled. Yet again, she resorted to watching him, hoping his movements would answer the questions she was afraid to voice.

It would be cemented that way, his supposed impending death and she still wanted to cling onto the belief that it was all fodder and pointless worries. If he didn't believe it anymore, maybe she could somehow convince herself that she didn't either.

Because, though she told herself she didn't, she couldn't help but wonder what if? What would happen if the psychic was right and Nathan was right? What would she do if he really was going to die sometime in the next two days? God, she couldn't think about this. Not when he was only standing a few feet from him acting as if he had not a care in the world.

How could he just go on and drink the coffee when there was a possibility that that would be the last time he would ever do so? How could he just stand there when his life might be slipping away, second by second? She shook her head and bit her lip, rocking back and forth on the sofa before the words finally slipped. She instantly regretted it.

"Aren't you scared?"

He looked up and she felt something akin to satisfaction that some sort of expression was finally upon his face. The shock was erased almost as quickly as it appeared, "Of course."

She faltered, "How can you-" She paused, at a loss for words.

"How can I what?" He looked at her expectantly, "Try and go about my day without breaking down or grating what's left of my sanity away? I did that yesterday, remember? You were there."

"This isn't funny, Nathan."

"No, it's not." He agreed, "Which is precisely why I'm not laughing."

She shook her head helplessly before whispering, "I'm scared for you. I don't want to believe what you told me but what if it's true? I don't know what I'd-"

"You don't love me, remember?" He said flatly, "Not before and definitely not now. I'm sorry for imposing my situation onto you." He shrugged, "I can't take that away now but-"

"Nathan, that's not what I'm saying." She sighed, "Please don't make this difficult."

"What exactly is it that you want to hear, Haley?" He looked at her expectantly, "Do you want me to act scared? Would it make you feel better if I expressed what I was feeling inside? Do you want me to tell you how terrified I am that this time tomorrow, I might be two hours away from my death? Do you want me to tell you that I'm scared to even move two feet from where I'm standing because I might trigger the cause for my death? Is that what you want to hear?" Nathan demanded before he crossed his arms, letting out a heavy sigh.

She remained quiet, her eyes downcast, much like the way he imagined she would be the night before.

She pursed her lips, letting the words from his outburst sink in as she struggled to find her next words. What was the right thing to say after that? Should she apologize? Should she just remain quiet? Gently raising her head, she saw that his whole body was tense and tight. If she had bothered to pay attention to the details before, she would've seen that he was scared.

He was more than scared. Scared wasn't even enough of a proper term to describe a man that was going to lose his life due to an unknown cause a little more than a day from now.

She walked over to him, her feet quiet against the soft carpet. She uncrossed his arms and touched his face. He still wouldn't look at her.

No matter now, he had put himself out there and she would do the same. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed the side of her head against his chest.

Even after all these years, she was still his constant.


End file.
